if you are reading this the as my first update in LONG time and it does not appear to been updated  since, than either you're not on my friends list because you secretly read my LJ or because for some reason I have quams with you reading it. if you want to be added to friends so you can read it then send me a request.

rent comes out today!!!!! woot

nina and meg come home today! yay

so today was the first time that i've cried in a reeeeeealy long time. at least i know that i'm alive.

auditions weren't as bad as i thought they were going to be! plus a lot of other people were reeeeeeealy bad. but i won't mention names cause thats just mean. plus karma is a bitch and would get me back some how.

but other then that i have one other story. so i was in the guys bathroom in the lobby after school and i'm standing at one of the urinals when some kid (didn't see his face) ran by and into one of the stalls. he then proceeded to have explosive diarrhea! it took everything i had in me to not laugh. i felt sooo bad for him. when i looked closer to see if i could tell who it was by the shoes i realized that their was something on the floor. the kid hadn' been able to get to the bathroom fast enough. he pooped all over the floor. i thought i was going to throw up right there. i washed my hand and exited as fast as possible. i didn't stay to see who came out of the bathroom cause i didn't want to know who it was. i'd never be able to look at them the same way. plus i wouldn't be able to resit telling people who it was. lol o poor kid. i really do feel bad for him. but at least it wasn't me!.

ps i feel bad for the janitor more then the kid

Today at work one of my friends that i work with told me that after work she was going to go get her new kitten. and i was like awww i want one and she told me that they were free and that their were a couple left! so i thought about just going to get one and bringing it home and being like SURPRISE! but i decided to call and ask.

 mom would have totally gone for it if fucking stupid dad didn't want another. he is such an ass and complains about absolutely everything!!!!! it ridiculous! he wines more then me!

my arguments

• I have a job so i can afford to get the cat spade, de-clawed, and its shots
• if it was mine i wouldn't have a problem cleaning up after it
• it would keep bodie company during the day so he wouldn't bother dad as much when he's home working.
• bodie grew up with a lot of other cats and is lonely
• he really like have Frank around once they got to know each other
• it would make me happy

Dad's 'arguments'

• bodie is a pain during the day with out another cat running around
• i don't like cats/ i don't want another one
• i'm a fucking ass wipe... (ok so i added that one)

so basically mom isn't on my bad list bud dad is a fucking ass! so basically nothing new has changed... right? cause everyone who knows him know that he is absolutely retarded and un logical. he's commonly referred to as the "caveman". he acquired this name through being a stereo  typical male, who likes things their way, has no way to prove half of what they say, barks orders when they feel like their authority is being questioned. so to sum up papi he's a fucking dumb ass. the end. 

 

maybe when their drunk tonight at dads party i'll ask them again and see if they change their minds

so today as i was leaving the school i had an occurrence happen that i felt brought a end to this chapter of 2209 the we liked to call 'pregers'. as i walked out of the school to my car i was stopped by preggers and what was she carrying? o no not a pile of books but a infant child...... yes i know how this looks! did she have the baby secretly?! i know, many questions were raised but then she stated that it was her cute niece and the mom was there, so i'm going to except it as the truth and not look more into it. but i'm not saying it should stop you... lol jk!

so all of my friends are out partying or trick or treating while i sit here and do a project on aids.... wooooo hooo. so this is going to take me most of the night and is going to be boring as hell. perfect. i hate having projects that are like back to back. well i should go get started

its my birthday in four days!

i seem to have a constant headache

my days are seeming to get better! plus i don 't have to work for 2 weeks! yahooooo

ok so they were so not that bad! the math sucked and i guessed on some cause i was tired and didn't understand/cared about what they were asking. o well

i'm thinking i'm going to get a SAT tutor. cause my math needs some serious help. even though i have a 99% in my math class right now

nina came home!

i'm a happy kenny! i've met a couple new kids on myspace and they are both hot and are both wicked nice. the past couple days have been uneventful after this weekends excursion!. i've basically been going to to school and drama and thats about it for right now. besides clubs. LOVING LIFE so i think i'll take some with me so that i can bring some love everywhere

errr i totaly just wrote a wicked good post but the computer lost the website and with it lost the entry and i don't have time to re do it. so this is it. lol

i love spending my weekends with twinny and eating pizza! good night all in all

so yesterday i went apple picking with Brittany, Caitlin, Aida and Zach. it was a lot of fun. i think we threw more apples then we actually picked but what ever. Brittany's recipe for apple crisp was incredible and actually looked really pretty to.

Brit and i had a fun hour excursion to try and get my car which ended successful but about 45 minutes longer then it needed to.

then we went up and partied at the bonfire for the danish kids. it was fun even though Mr. F (guidance councilor at BHS)played an amped guitar and sang country songs into a mic... weirded out.

the end

People are stupid and immature!

Who pranks calls anymore?!

the thing that pisses me off is that they couldn't just call me up and call me a faggot to my face, but they had to call my parents and talk trash about me to them! wicked cool.

thats called a hate crime/harrassment. this my friends is illegal.

so in conclusion why don't you all grow the fuck up and learn to accept people for who they are.


The winter here’s cold, and bitter
It’s chilled us to the bone
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks
To long too far from home
I feel just like I’m sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go

i love never getting comments. especially when you put your true feelings out their for all to see. sometimes people just suck

i had a good night with rachel. had fun at the game with the girls. and i have to work tomorrow. at work today i actually WASN'T called a faggot for once. it was nice for a change.

Tonight i've realized that i hate who i am and that i scare myself. i haven't cried in about two years and it feels like i'm not human or alive. life just seems to be cruel and unfair. it beets me down every time something good happens to me, i finally cut myself from my addictions and it pulls me back in again. i don't know why it happens this way but it doesn't seem fair and i just feel like that maybe if i could possibly just sit down and cry for once in my life these feelings of self hatred, doubt, anxiety, depression would go away. maybe its a crazy thought but i think that i should be allowed to be happy once in my life. maybe the opportunity came an i just missed it. i can't even remember the last time that i was truly happy and unattached by the views and beliefs of society.

I want to be me and no one else

sorry for going all emo.